Xtian Dela toxic parents saga: do they exist?

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The early stages of growth and development for a child are crucial. This is when we learn various values that may follow us to adulthood such as discipline, respect, and hard work. We also encounter unfortunate situations like verbal abuse that shape our behaviour later in life. Children distancing themselves from parents and siblings happens for reasons best known to them. Xtian Dela has been in the entertainment headlines recently for terming his mother toxic and netizens have had mixed opinions on the matter. Do toxic parents exist? Here are signs of a toxic parent.

Never proud of a child’s successes

Parents make sacrifices for their children. However, a parent should also be a child’s number one fan. The world is cruel enough and we do not need more unkindness from mothers and fathers. It would not hurt to be openly proud of your child. It makes them feel valued and loved. Never acknowledging your child’s efforts and always pointing out their mistakes and failures is horrible. A parent’s approval can mean a lot to a child, whether young or older. Making your child doubt their worth in an already messed up world does not make things better.

Shames the child publicly every other time

Shaming your child privately or publicly is not good. You can always correct a child without making him or her feel worthless. Some parents, for whatever reason, even body shame their children for being too big or too slim. This messes with a person’s esteem and can make a child even more insecure as an adult. Mainstream and social media are already doing their part in shaming people for different reasons and parents should not join them. You should be your child’s safe place to be and express themselves.

Verbal abuse

Being angry and frustrated in life is understandable, considering the difficult times we are living in. However, parents should not take out their anger on children. Yelling at a child for hours with short breaks in between does not solve the problem. It is worse when a parent constantly compares a child to their siblings, especially during adult life. Children are gifted differently and our life stories differ. Parents should learn to correct with love and appreciate that every child is unique. One may be more successful than the other, but they are all great. The plight of firstborns is a topic for another day.

Blaming the child for their misfortunes

No one chooses to be born. We are all in this world because our parents got intimate and we are the result of their actions. Blaming your child for making your life challenging, especially financially, is not a good habit. Constantly reminding your children how you make sacrifices for them and how they changed your life for the worst is never a good idea. It makes them feel like a burden yet it is not their fault. That is why some children decide to relocate far away from their parents the moment they find ways to fend for themselves.

Expects perfection

Expecting perfection from your child is unfair. It is worse when parents want to achieve their dreams through their children. Perhaps one wanted to be a doctor but for whatever reason did not make it. The parent may put so much pressure on a child to ensure they end up in the medical field. We can only do our best in life. Appreciating your child’s abilities and talents goes a long way in boosting his or her esteem. You can have expectations but also accept your child’s capabilities.

Parents want the best for their children. They do everything they can to help their children succeed in life. However, toxic parents also exists. They put so much pressure on their kids, expect perfection, compare them with others, and even shame them constantly. We can always do better as a society and be better at parenting. 

See also: Raising a child in your early 20’s

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